Monthly Archives: December 2011

Independence: a new meaning

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Are you independent? I thought I was. Now, I am on the path of real independence more than ever.

I could have defined myself my whole life as a very independent woman. Always busy between my work and many other different courses, studies, projects, self-development therapies, the gym, friends, my boyfriend at that time…

I had many acquaintances and friends from many different groups and activities. My partner at that time always preferred to stay at home and sleep more or watch sports on TV than do new things and try new experiences. It was a must to meet new people because I was doing almost everything alone. 

Both of us have bachelor degrees, master specializations and were considered as successful young professionals in our fields. Both were working in the aggressive world of marketing, communication and journalism.  We had similar topics to talk about; we could discuss ideas about new projects in our jobs, help each other in decisions that could push our careers higher. Our standards in some points were the same. I thought I could build a healthy relationship with him.

At that time success was driving my life in about 80%. Almost all my energy was directed to get this goal, and with effort but determination I got it. I needed to be admired for my ideas, power, strengths, abilities, creativity and my physical appearance. I was under my 30’s and I was being what I wanted to be: a strong successful independent young woman. And also I was doing every single project alone.

(I took this picture in one of my trips in Brazil. Some crabs need to live near the water to moisturize their gills in order to keep breathing. As these crabs I was thinking I was independent but I needed recognition to survive.)

I thought that my independence was my treasure. That everything I was doing just on my own was a special achievement. For many years I tried to cover what I can recognize today as a strong feeling of loneliness with claps on my back accompanied with thoughts like “Good job girl! You did it again alone! Well done! You don’t need others’ help to achieve goals in life!” and “You are very strong and independent”, “Your family, friends, co-workers… will admire you! They will be proud of you”… These thoughts were the fuel for my crazy drive in my professional life.

And at the same time I was permanently struggling in order to balance my relationship with my professional life and my independence.

But this balance couldn’t arrive by itself. There were very important thing missing in our relationship, and in my life. I wanted to evolve on other areas, not just on my career and he wasn’t following me or initiating any movement except the professional. It wasn’t enough. I knew there was something missing.

I was a searcher. I have always been a searcher, looking for the next step, for the elusive piece of the puzzle of happiness, for the next wall to jump through, and the next therapy that will bring light to my life. And he wasn’t. At one point we had to split our paths. We wanted to reach different places, and we wanted to do it at different speeds.

In my deeper self all this time with him I was feeling a very strong loneliness and a strong desire to find someone, who might be my partner, who might follow my rhythm, but not only that, who will bring a similar rhythm to follow too, to learn from, to develop with.

All the partners that came after him were different but, in a way, quite similar. For several years I tried to find love even under the stones. I was ready to do almost everything. And I did do nearly everything.

This process went on for 10 years.

And one day, in a place I never thought I could find my partner, he appeared into my life and very fast we started to live together. I am completely in love. I know I have found the way to create the life I want to life with a person who is open to do the same with me, in the same direction. On one hand this wasn’t as simple and easy as it sounds; on the other hand it was.

Next time I will write about how the person whom  you can build a beautiful relationship can be in front of your eyes and you can’t even see it. Everything is a process, we are together in this process of creation our relationship, learning everyday new things from each other. Ready for the next challenge, for the next step.

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Creating the relationship I always looked for

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This is the story of how after many years of difficult and seemingly impossible relationships across the world I finally actually found my life partner.

I have been a young successful professional.

I have traveled by myself for over than 15 countries.

I have been bulimic.

I have been a conventional partner in a conventional relationship.

I have been a lover in an affair.

I have left everything behind for love.

I have changed the city I was living in for love.

I have been in a relationship with a person that could have been my father.

I have adapted myself until the extreme, losing myself in the way, in order to accomplish his needs.

I traveled to other country to meet a person thinking that maybe this time he could be the one…

I have believed with all my heart that love was in the hands of a person who was already committed to another person.

I have given my soul in any relationship I had to make them work.


………………………………..

I am 30 years old and ever since I can remember I was looking for a partner to SHARE my life with. A person I could develop with. A person to talk and listen with open mind, eyes and heart. A person to share equally. A person to learn from and teach to. A person who would like to face life in togetherness, in a creative way with creative directions. A person open to overcome fears. A person to be in constant movement with -and with movement I mean movement in life-.

Open to change, to reinvent himself. Open to my process of reinvention too. A supportive person to support too. A person ready to hear and offer different points of view. A person willing to see life from the unexpected. A person open to explore and work on his potencial and get the maximum of it. A person ready to accept my potencial and support me to get the maximum of it, with the same support I will offer him. A person to create a loving and emotionally healthy family with. A person to build a unit of energy called family where to create all together movement in this world toward happiness and joy.

For many years I was dreaming about creating a family in which all the members will teach and learn from each other. Where all will be committed to each other’s development. A supportive family build up over the pillars of boundaries, respect, support and love in equal parts. A creative open minded family in which kids and grown ups will be fearless to try new things in life. With high self-esteem, autonomy and clear minds.

I have done crazy things in my life in order to find this kind of love, partner and family. I have been looking for it with almost desperation. I have been living fast and intense, finding myself in many different countries, situations and with many different people.

Nothing helped me to find my Life Partner and the life I wanted to live.

Until now, I was never been able to find the true passion and purpose in my life, a fulfilling direction.  I was not able to fully love and respect myself.

I have always been and I am a searcher. That’s one of the reasons I have arrived where I am now, because, despite everything I was, now I am discovering who I am.

For first time in my life, and for the rest of my life, I know, I have found what I was looking for: the person I want to share my life, to develop and growth, the person I want to create a family with.

Through my story I hope I can inspire others to know that you can also find the partner you are looking for. And maybe, give you some hints about how I fell into traps that were leading me to desperation and denigration, feeling attracted by men that will not bring me development and real love.