Are you independent? I thought I was. Now, I am on the path of real independence more than ever.
I could have defined myself my whole life as a very independent woman. Always busy between my work and many other different courses, studies, projects, self-development therapies, the gym, friends, my boyfriend at that time…
I had many acquaintances and friends from many different groups and activities. My partner at that time always preferred to stay at home and sleep more or watch sports on TV than do new things and try new experiences. It was a must to meet new people because I was doing almost everything alone.
Both of us have bachelor degrees, master specializations and were considered as successful young professionals in our fields. Both were working in the aggressive world of marketing, communication and journalism. We had similar topics to talk about; we could discuss ideas about new projects in our jobs, help each other in decisions that could push our careers higher. Our standards in some points were the same. I thought I could build a healthy relationship with him.
At that time success was driving my life in about 80%. Almost all my energy was directed to get this goal, and with effort but determination I got it. I needed to be admired for my ideas, power, strengths, abilities, creativity and my physical appearance. I was under my 30’s and I was being what I wanted to be: a strong successful independent young woman. And also I was doing every single project alone.
(I took this picture in one of my trips in Brazil. Some crabs need to live near the water to moisturize their gills in order to keep breathing. As these crabs I was thinking I was independent but I needed recognition to survive.)
I thought that my independence was my treasure. That everything I was doing just on my own was a special achievement. For many years I tried to cover what I can recognize today as a strong feeling of loneliness with claps on my back accompanied with thoughts like “Good job girl! You did it again alone! Well done! You don’t need others’ help to achieve goals in life!” and “You are very strong and independent”, “Your family, friends, co-workers… will admire you! They will be proud of you”… These thoughts were the fuel for my crazy drive in my professional life.
And at the same time I was permanently struggling in order to balance my relationship with my professional life and my independence.
But this balance couldn’t arrive by itself. There were very important thing missing in our relationship, and in my life. I wanted to evolve on other areas, not just on my career and he wasn’t following me or initiating any movement except the professional. It wasn’t enough. I knew there was something missing.
I was a searcher. I have always been a searcher, looking for the next step, for the elusive piece of the puzzle of happiness, for the next wall to jump through, and the next therapy that will bring light to my life. And he wasn’t. At one point we had to split our paths. We wanted to reach different places, and we wanted to do it at different speeds.
In my deeper self all this time with him I was feeling a very strong loneliness and a strong desire to find someone, who might be my partner, who might follow my rhythm, but not only that, who will bring a similar rhythm to follow too, to learn from, to develop with.
All the partners that came after him were different but, in a way, quite similar. For several years I tried to find love even under the stones. I was ready to do almost everything. And I did do nearly everything.
This process went on for 10 years.
And one day, in a place I never thought I could find my partner, he appeared into my life and very fast we started to live together. I am completely in love. I know I have found the way to create the life I want to life with a person who is open to do the same with me, in the same direction. On one hand this wasn’t as simple and easy as it sounds; on the other hand it was.
Next time I will write about how the person whom you can build a beautiful relationship can be in front of your eyes and you can’t even see it. Everything is a process, we are together in this process of creation our relationship, learning everyday new things from each other. Ready for the next challenge, for the next step.