Monthly Archives: December 2012

A “Simple” discussion… (Part 1)

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In my past relationships I was “discussing” things with my partner all the time. The picture of this situations was more or less as I describe below…

In our couple life we are constantly making decisions: the plan for the weekend, the education of the kids, the way we will spend you vacation the clothes we want for our bed, the house that will buy or rent…

What happen when we don’t agree with what our partner brings or want?

Is that simple?

Is that simple?

1. After exposing our plans we try to convince one another and show how good is the idea we have. Most of the times this conversations, more or less intense, involve certain degree of manipulation. We are usually not aware of it. Manipulation is so much in our day by day that it doesn’t call our attention anymore when it sneaks in between our words.

I am sure you are gonna like it...

I am sure you are gonna like it…

2. After considering the scenario one yield and let the partners idea go ahead and be the “winner”. At least for this time, for this week…

“Ok, we will do your plan this time, but next week is my turn.” In the background many times the thought is: I don’t like to do it a t all, but I am willing to suffer for you… that intense is my love…”

And the winning’s partner thoughts can be something like: “my partner really loves me! He/she is willing to suffer for me! To give in his/her ideas! It is so romantic…” 

My Plan. I was sure he would like it...

My Plan

3. The Day D: The “winner” is not happy, cannot enjoy the day D because his/her partner is not enjoying. Both can feel something heavy is in the atmosphere even if the partner is trying his/her best to enjoy.

A new thought come the winning’s partner mind: “THE LOVE he feels for me might not be strong enough to make him enjoy just by being with me?”

His Plan

His Plan.

4. The week after: The new “winner” doesn’t enjoy either. His partner is not enjoying.

“Maybe our love is not that strong…”

“Maybe we need a break…”

“Maybe I need more time with my friends…”

“Maybe…”

I didn't find THE ONE yet...

I didn’t find THE ONE yet…

5. “Maybe…He is not the one”

“Maybe … She is not the one”

They stay in the same place they where, same plans… the partner once is now an ex-partner. And the idea is: He/she wasn’t the one.

Did you ver think in this situations that it might be that we don’t know how to create partnership?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And again, we go back to an endless circle of loneliness.

We go back to the circle of endless searching for the RIGHT PARTNER, THE ONE.

We go back to the feeling of: what’s wrong with me? Why I cannot find a partner?

But did ever anyone teach you or show you how to find the right partner?

How to CREATE a healthy relationship?

How many people  in your surroundings have a healthy and supportive relationship with their partners?

My partner wants to contribute to this post by adding:

“So, what did we see here? Each person had their own plan of what to do, which in the end didn’t really work out for either of them in both cases.
Look at the bigger picture for a moment, and you can see that actually, each person had their own plan for their life, and relationships, as a whole. Each of us does this. How do we create this plan and how do we know whether it is the right one? Once they break up, do they keep their plan, only to fail again when they discover that the next person doesn’t fit it either? And if they change their plan, does their future relationship change? Or is it just a different version of the same pattern?

Like everyone, I’ve made many plans in my life; for my career, my romantic life, my travels, my friends – some worked, some didn’t. Actually, now I can see that most of them didn’t. But when I met the Aura, I discovered what my plan should be, how to create it, and how to adapt it; and things have never been the same. It is very exciting.

Thank you for accompanying me on this diary of my journey! :-)”

Enjoy it and if you feel for that, leave us your ideas, suggestions… about the post and/or the blog!!

With love,

Laura

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Creating our lives together – but, are we really? Part 2

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It is the first time in my life I clearly create and look for places where to create in my life. In almost all the areas in my life I try to develop something new.

This is a completely new approach in matter of relationships, but also in matter of life. Before, my idea of a good and fun relationship was based in coffees outside, dinners and going out to dance, to the cinema or to the theater  Along my whole life I have spent a lot of hours talking about life, love, relationships… but really very little time creating a new reality, bringing new directions to what I didn’t like, supporting or being supported in my development… And when there was creation involve, there was a lot of judgment and criticism. There was almost not space to try. I was too busy talking and enjoying other’s creations.

I don’t always reject to enjoy a good documentary, book or movie. But now my approach is different. My priorities have changed. Now my first option is to create something, to experience the moment of creation and development. And after, if the suggestion of materials that come from others are interesting and are bringing something new to my life, I can choose to go for it. I also nurture myself with their ideas, but for first time in my life, this is not what is leading my life.

As the time is passing and I am including more and more my own creations in my life as well as the creations I develop with other people in cooperation, I can see in how many areas of my life I was just not even considering the option of doing something new by myself.

The fear of not being good enough was blocking me so much that it wasn’t even an option. By then I was following what others had created instead of trying myself lightly, smiley and playful. I was not able to feel like this at all. I was even having big troubles to say a joke!! You know… I was feeling shy. It was just something for others, but not for me, I said to myself so many times!

Along the last year I have learnt how to try this creative approach without judging myself constantly and feeling bad about myself.

I have spent the last year learning and (in a way) cleaning my life from nonsense’s. This process have brought lots of fun, laughter, awareness and love.

Now, for first time in my life I write letters to my mother and grandma. Instead of  buying a nice postcard I draw it every time myself with the colors I want to bring to their life’s.

Another example is in my job as Spanish teacher. I have include Art and Creativity as a new way to learn the language (this idea came and has been developed as part of an amazing guidance that I reactive from Orel and Healaura). Right now I am constantly creating with my students and for me student a new reality. Every session is like a small Universe in which I bring to my students and I also create with them:

–        A new experience.

–        A new situation that is different that what they usually have in their lives: a supportive environment free of judgment and criticism.

–        A space for fun and creation together, in cooperation.

–        A new way to learn a language…

I have experienced teaching both ways: the conventional one in which we follow a book, exercises from different sources… And the one in which creativity is the base to learn. Even though I always tried to be creative and make them have good time in the sessions, the difference between both is enormous.

Now, after the sessions my students (of all ages) feel full of energy and ready to move the world with both hands!! Ready to face any situation it will appear in their life’s!! And the most amazing is that I feel the same way after the sessions!!

There is creation; there is movement and also aura in every session.

This fact means for me already to create a different reality. In my pasts jobs I needed to spend hours in the weekend to recover from the licking and sucking of energy I was suffering along the whole week. I remember many Saturdays going to sleep after eating (the famous Spanish nap) and not being able to wake up for 4 hours! This was a lot of time of my life invested in recovering from my job. At the end, this time was an extension of my job. So I was in my profession much more hours that what I even thought.

Now, when I finish working I have energy to move my life, to create, to experience more and more, to live! I need to sleep less than half of what I slept in my life as average. With 4 to 5 hours I manage my day happily and enjoying it.

And this is just an example.

In my relationship with my partner we are also in constant creation. Sometimes he brings me a surprise like the poem you can read below, which brought a big smile and a lot of love to my heart. (He just speaks a very little Spanish learnt by hearing me speaking it and by songs he plays). There are many other things that I will try to show you little by little. Now you are the observers of what my relationship 🙂

Actually some of the things I am showing you are part of my private couple life. Like this one:

Aug 2012 Poem From Yam

I have decided that my life will be a reflection of what I create myself, with my partner and family, with my friends, the planet and the surrounding I am in contact with.

I am in a living movement in which everyday can look different and exciting if I decide to!

I am living my own creation!

For first time in my life, I am truly living and leading my own life.

Ready to continue moving forward!

Laura