In my past relationships I was “discussing” things with my partner all the time. The picture of this situations was more or less as I describe below…
In our couple life we are constantly making decisions: the plan for the weekend, the education of the kids, the way we will spend you vacation the clothes we want for our bed, the house that will buy or rent…
What happen when we don’t agree with what our partner brings or want?
1. After exposing our plans we try to convince one another and show how good is the idea we have. Most of the times this conversations, more or less intense, involve certain degree of manipulation. We are usually not aware of it. Manipulation is so much in our day by day that it doesn’t call our attention anymore when it sneaks in between our words.
2. After considering the scenario one yield and let the partners idea go ahead and be the “winner”. At least for this time, for this week…
“Ok, we will do your plan this time, but next week is my turn.” In the background many times the thought is: I don’t like to do it a t all, but I am willing to suffer for you… that intense is my love…”
And the winning’s partner thoughts can be something like: “my partner really loves me! He/she is willing to suffer for me! To give in his/her ideas! It is so romantic…”
3. The Day D: The “winner” is not happy, cannot enjoy the day D because his/her partner is not enjoying. Both can feel something heavy is in the atmosphere even if the partner is trying his/her best to enjoy.
A new thought come the winning’s partner mind: “THE LOVE he feels for me might not be strong enough to make him enjoy just by being with me?”
4. The week after: The new “winner” doesn’t enjoy either. His partner is not enjoying.
“Maybe our love is not that strong…”
“Maybe we need a break…”
“Maybe I need more time with my friends…”
5. “Maybe…He is not the one”
“Maybe … She is not the one”
They stay in the same place they where, same plans… the partner once is now an ex-partner. And the idea is: He/she wasn’t the one.
Did you ver think in this situations that it might be that we don’t know how to create partnership?
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And again, we go back to an endless circle of loneliness.
We go back to the circle of endless searching for the RIGHT PARTNER, THE ONE.
We go back to the feeling of: what’s wrong with me? Why I cannot find a partner?
But did ever anyone teach you or show you how to find the right partner?
How to CREATE a healthy relationship?
How many people in your surroundings have a healthy and supportive relationship with their partners?
My partner wants to contribute to this post by adding:
“So, what did we see here? Each person had their own plan of what to do, which in the end didn’t really work out for either of them in both cases.
Look at the bigger picture for a moment, and you can see that actually, each person had their own plan for their life, and relationships, as a whole. Each of us does this. How do we create this plan and how do we know whether it is the right one? Once they break up, do they keep their plan, only to fail again when they discover that the next person doesn’t fit it either? And if they change their plan, does their future relationship change? Or is it just a different version of the same pattern?
Like everyone, I’ve made many plans in my life; for my career, my romantic life, my travels, my friends – some worked, some didn’t. Actually, now I can see that most of them didn’t. But when I met the Aura, I discovered what my plan should be, how to create it, and how to adapt it; and things have never been the same. It is very exciting.
Thank you for accompanying me on this diary of my journey! :-)”
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