Tag Archives: relationship

The Circle of Losing my Life by trying to find a real PARTNER

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I have spent most of my life single and when I was sharing my life with someone I had the “tendency” to choose the wrong ones. The ones who didn’t give me support, didn’t want to share the same direction, didn’t accept my strength, were trying to control me in different ways… Even though in many cases they were applying this control in such a subtle way that was almost impossible to notice it. So when I was in a relationship I was investing almost all my energy in making it work.

And the times I was single, I was spending all my energy in trying to find a partner.

I invite you to check

                                          “The Circle of Losing Our Lives through our Partnerships”

The circle or losing our lives...

Do you feel you are in any of these stages?

We are born with tones of energy –vital energy, I mean. Along our life when we find a partner that cannot contribute to our life in a deep level of development and we cannot contribute to their life in the same level of development, sooner or later we will feel that something is not working. Years and years will pass and we will see ourselves in a constant search and try like in a laboratory, trying to find the right formula, or in a relationship that can move from not that bad, just boring to drama partnership. In between there are many other options, most of them not very appealing.

The educational system, the media, the TV, the romantic movies… show again and again a fake picture of what is life as a couple, what is love… And even when we try not to believe what they say (which is an extra effort), it is so much in our blood that it is almost impossible not to be affected and directed by this pattern.

I invite you to look to your parents, the friends of your parents, the parents of your friends, inside your family… Look for couples or singles at their 50’s when they have lived their lives enough years to see how painful and frustrating is not to have side by side the right person. They have already created a family –in most of the cases- and at this point, their children don’t really want to spend a lot of time with their parents, family time and family meetings are something that is better not to have very often if they want to keep breathing, they –as partners- are tired of life, and trying to look for something that will bring some joy to their lives they are dreaming with having grandchildren… “For sure a baby will bring some smiles and warmth…” they think to themselves.

For many years I was observing closely different families that were part of my surrounding. I was looking for my dream of finding the SECRET for a HEALTHY family in which their members would really help each other, support each other, love each other and share a common development.

I couldn’t find it. Not even one of the families in my surrounding were deeply happy. Life is hard, many will think. It is more than that. It is not a matter of how hard is life.

It is a matter of learning. No one, ever, taught us how to build a relationship, how to develop with our partner, how to find out when is not a person for us, how to find the person that will match our hearts and souls.

And in this process of trying and trying and trying and trying our lives are passing and sooner or later we will not have the energy to build anything, to create anything new, to support anyone or to even try to find anyone anymore. And in this process we will finally release part of ourselves or even we will release completely ourselves. And this will be like disappearing, like not existing anymore.

Have you ever thought before how much is affecting us to find the right person?

But, how can we find them? If you already read some of my posts probably you will imagine the answer… if not, maybe now is a good moment to take some minutes and read them 😉 And if you prefer to wait a bit, in some days I will explain you my personal experience, that is also the experience of several of my friends.

Here you might find some answers 🙂  http://www.healaura.com/aura-blog

Thank you for reading me.

See you soon!

With love,

Laura

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A “Simple” discussion… (Part 2)

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The same situation?

                                                                       A different approach?

Creating a new reality for both together

                                                                                  Let’s see together

Communication instead of persuation

                                                               Communication instead of persuasion

Looking at the big picture together

     Looking at the big picture together

Opening a new place where to try new things

                                                        Opening a new space where to try new things

For many people this second part can look like a representation of a couple that have a good relationship or even like the picture of a good day in a regular relationship. But if you look deeper into the situation you will see that in this second option about the same situation there are some significant differences:

  • CREATION: Both partners are ready to release their own ideas and look for an option that will help in the development of both. The reason is not because they are very good people. The reason is that they work as a unit of energy for the development of both. They know that both will win in such situation.
  • There is COMMUNICATION instead of persuasion, which almost 100% of the times imply manipulation.
  • FLEXIBILITY
  • OPENNESS to include any change if needed, any new option can be an option.
  • DEVELOPMENT: They decide to do an activity that will bring support and development to both of them instead of choosing a “spending-time activity”. This kind of activities direct the people to let the time pass in a more entertained way but don’t bring any support to their lives or any help to move their life forward. Our two lovely couple go further and look for something that will nurture their lives. And with this I  don’t mean that it has to be going to a museum or do “intellectual” activities. It doesn’t mean that at all. There are many activities like what I showed you some posts ago that can help both to develop and have good time together. You can read it in: Everything started with a long hair… 🙂
  • And much more!

One of the main things that makes a difference is that in this second comic there is CHANNELING. This channeling brought them in few moments alternatives they didn’t think about before about. Combinations that blew their minds up! Combinations directed to make them happier people, more smiley, more creative people…

Don’t you think that channeling is amazing? It is like having your own guide with you all the time, ready to help at any time. Ready to show you what you cannot see with your own eyes. And it is an ability that everybody can learn!

But I don’t want to convince you about anything, just share how the relationship approach, since I am able to connect with my aura has changed to better in a really significant way.

Now I create my relationship from very creative places day by day. There is always something new. Routine is a word that is not part of our relationship dictionary 🙂 (and this is also applicable to our intimate time… maybe this will be for another post 😉 )

Thank you for reading it!

With love,

Laura

PS: by the way, both comics are a real reflection of how things were solved and planned in my last relationships and now. The “Now” picture is the one related to channeling, the second part 🙂 and I would never want to change it for the first part of a Simple discussion…

A “Simple” discussion… (Part 1)

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In my past relationships I was “discussing” things with my partner all the time. The picture of this situations was more or less as I describe below…

In our couple life we are constantly making decisions: the plan for the weekend, the education of the kids, the way we will spend you vacation the clothes we want for our bed, the house that will buy or rent…

What happen when we don’t agree with what our partner brings or want?

Is that simple?

Is that simple?

1. After exposing our plans we try to convince one another and show how good is the idea we have. Most of the times this conversations, more or less intense, involve certain degree of manipulation. We are usually not aware of it. Manipulation is so much in our day by day that it doesn’t call our attention anymore when it sneaks in between our words.

I am sure you are gonna like it...

I am sure you are gonna like it…

2. After considering the scenario one yield and let the partners idea go ahead and be the “winner”. At least for this time, for this week…

“Ok, we will do your plan this time, but next week is my turn.” In the background many times the thought is: I don’t like to do it a t all, but I am willing to suffer for you… that intense is my love…”

And the winning’s partner thoughts can be something like: “my partner really loves me! He/she is willing to suffer for me! To give in his/her ideas! It is so romantic…” 

My Plan. I was sure he would like it...

My Plan

3. The Day D: The “winner” is not happy, cannot enjoy the day D because his/her partner is not enjoying. Both can feel something heavy is in the atmosphere even if the partner is trying his/her best to enjoy.

A new thought come the winning’s partner mind: “THE LOVE he feels for me might not be strong enough to make him enjoy just by being with me?”

His Plan

His Plan.

4. The week after: The new “winner” doesn’t enjoy either. His partner is not enjoying.

“Maybe our love is not that strong…”

“Maybe we need a break…”

“Maybe I need more time with my friends…”

“Maybe…”

I didn't find THE ONE yet...

I didn’t find THE ONE yet…

5. “Maybe…He is not the one”

“Maybe … She is not the one”

They stay in the same place they where, same plans… the partner once is now an ex-partner. And the idea is: He/she wasn’t the one.

Did you ver think in this situations that it might be that we don’t know how to create partnership?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And again, we go back to an endless circle of loneliness.

We go back to the circle of endless searching for the RIGHT PARTNER, THE ONE.

We go back to the feeling of: what’s wrong with me? Why I cannot find a partner?

But did ever anyone teach you or show you how to find the right partner?

How to CREATE a healthy relationship?

How many people  in your surroundings have a healthy and supportive relationship with their partners?

My partner wants to contribute to this post by adding:

“So, what did we see here? Each person had their own plan of what to do, which in the end didn’t really work out for either of them in both cases.
Look at the bigger picture for a moment, and you can see that actually, each person had their own plan for their life, and relationships, as a whole. Each of us does this. How do we create this plan and how do we know whether it is the right one? Once they break up, do they keep their plan, only to fail again when they discover that the next person doesn’t fit it either? And if they change their plan, does their future relationship change? Or is it just a different version of the same pattern?

Like everyone, I’ve made many plans in my life; for my career, my romantic life, my travels, my friends – some worked, some didn’t. Actually, now I can see that most of them didn’t. But when I met the Aura, I discovered what my plan should be, how to create it, and how to adapt it; and things have never been the same. It is very exciting.

Thank you for accompanying me on this diary of my journey! :-)”

Enjoy it and if you feel for that, leave us your ideas, suggestions… about the post and/or the blog!!

With love,

Laura

Everything started with a very long hair…

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I would like to share with you something that I do with my partner. I never did it with any other partner before. Probably if someone would have given me the idea few years ago I would have not seen the fun on it. Or I would have thought: “He will probably not want to do it”.

Now it is part of my life and I enjoy it very much! And when we do it together in our room, very close one to each other it can create a very intimate, fun and cozy atmosphere that both of us enjoy a lot.

What you see here below is a drawing that Yam and me di done day when we were spending time on our “couple time”. We grabbed a set of colors, we put it on the bed and we started a cooperative drawing. What is that?

It is a drawing in which more than one person participate at the same time and altogether create a unique drawing made out of the energy of all the people who is participating.

In this case, the people were my partner and I. And we decided that what we were drawing would come with a story. So we started creating the story at the same time we were drawing together.

At the end we were so excited that we continued with a second drawing.

In the meantime the colors and shapes were dancing together in a very funny way. We laughed a lot with our crazy ideas.

Everything started with one hair… Out of the strong only hair a head starting to grow in a very special way: attached to a contrabass. And actually the hair on his head is what he uses to play the music from the contrabass. And it is so strong that when is a sunny day he uses the hair as sunglasses, to cover the sun from his eyes. As he likes people to enjoy life, he plays wherever he goes. So he travels to the mountains, to beaches, to forests with the all terrain wheels he has, bringing music and enjoyment to all creatures he meets on the way…

And he has a friend that is a flee that looks as a spider so we decide that it is a spider-flee that comes with him to all trips he does. And the spider-flee has antennas that can broadcast the music he is playing like a radio. So we have a contrabass man who travels and plays music and his radio-spider-flee friend.

And everything started with a very long hair…

And from here on I would like to invite you to cooperate and see what your imagination is bringing to you when you see these drawings!

Let’s create a story together!!

You can ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, kids, family… to look at the drawings and create out of it a story together or well to invent one from the beggning. Everything that brings humour, good feelings and laughter is welcome! (Violence, aggression or/and abuse are NOT welcome.)

Feel free to send me your drawings if you decide to draw something and don’t be afraid to change the story or the characters! This is a life story! I will publish them on the blog 🙂 if you want to, of course. It would be great if you can send me a bit the idea of the story but if you cannot, no problem! We will try to imagine together what it is!

Maybe this will be the starting seed of a new way to do new things with your partner, your kids, your friends…

Enjoy!

Laura

lovesoulandmusic@gmail.com

Independence: a new meaning

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Are you independent? I thought I was. Now, I am on the path of real independence more than ever.

I could have defined myself my whole life as a very independent woman. Always busy between my work and many other different courses, studies, projects, self-development therapies, the gym, friends, my boyfriend at that time…

I had many acquaintances and friends from many different groups and activities. My partner at that time always preferred to stay at home and sleep more or watch sports on TV than do new things and try new experiences. It was a must to meet new people because I was doing almost everything alone. 

Both of us have bachelor degrees, master specializations and were considered as successful young professionals in our fields. Both were working in the aggressive world of marketing, communication and journalism.  We had similar topics to talk about; we could discuss ideas about new projects in our jobs, help each other in decisions that could push our careers higher. Our standards in some points were the same. I thought I could build a healthy relationship with him.

At that time success was driving my life in about 80%. Almost all my energy was directed to get this goal, and with effort but determination I got it. I needed to be admired for my ideas, power, strengths, abilities, creativity and my physical appearance. I was under my 30’s and I was being what I wanted to be: a strong successful independent young woman. And also I was doing every single project alone.

(I took this picture in one of my trips in Brazil. Some crabs need to live near the water to moisturize their gills in order to keep breathing. As these crabs I was thinking I was independent but I needed recognition to survive.)

I thought that my independence was my treasure. That everything I was doing just on my own was a special achievement. For many years I tried to cover what I can recognize today as a strong feeling of loneliness with claps on my back accompanied with thoughts like “Good job girl! You did it again alone! Well done! You don’t need others’ help to achieve goals in life!” and “You are very strong and independent”, “Your family, friends, co-workers… will admire you! They will be proud of you”… These thoughts were the fuel for my crazy drive in my professional life.

And at the same time I was permanently struggling in order to balance my relationship with my professional life and my independence.

But this balance couldn’t arrive by itself. There were very important thing missing in our relationship, and in my life. I wanted to evolve on other areas, not just on my career and he wasn’t following me or initiating any movement except the professional. It wasn’t enough. I knew there was something missing.

I was a searcher. I have always been a searcher, looking for the next step, for the elusive piece of the puzzle of happiness, for the next wall to jump through, and the next therapy that will bring light to my life. And he wasn’t. At one point we had to split our paths. We wanted to reach different places, and we wanted to do it at different speeds.

In my deeper self all this time with him I was feeling a very strong loneliness and a strong desire to find someone, who might be my partner, who might follow my rhythm, but not only that, who will bring a similar rhythm to follow too, to learn from, to develop with.

All the partners that came after him were different but, in a way, quite similar. For several years I tried to find love even under the stones. I was ready to do almost everything. And I did do nearly everything.

This process went on for 10 years.

And one day, in a place I never thought I could find my partner, he appeared into my life and very fast we started to live together. I am completely in love. I know I have found the way to create the life I want to life with a person who is open to do the same with me, in the same direction. On one hand this wasn’t as simple and easy as it sounds; on the other hand it was.

Next time I will write about how the person whom  you can build a beautiful relationship can be in front of your eyes and you can’t even see it. Everything is a process, we are together in this process of creation our relationship, learning everyday new things from each other. Ready for the next challenge, for the next step.

Creating the relationship I always looked for

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This is the story of how after many years of difficult and seemingly impossible relationships across the world I finally actually found my life partner.

I have been a young successful professional.

I have traveled by myself for over than 15 countries.

I have been bulimic.

I have been a conventional partner in a conventional relationship.

I have been a lover in an affair.

I have left everything behind for love.

I have changed the city I was living in for love.

I have been in a relationship with a person that could have been my father.

I have adapted myself until the extreme, losing myself in the way, in order to accomplish his needs.

I traveled to other country to meet a person thinking that maybe this time he could be the one…

I have believed with all my heart that love was in the hands of a person who was already committed to another person.

I have given my soul in any relationship I had to make them work.


………………………………..

I am 30 years old and ever since I can remember I was looking for a partner to SHARE my life with. A person I could develop with. A person to talk and listen with open mind, eyes and heart. A person to share equally. A person to learn from and teach to. A person who would like to face life in togetherness, in a creative way with creative directions. A person open to overcome fears. A person to be in constant movement with -and with movement I mean movement in life-.

Open to change, to reinvent himself. Open to my process of reinvention too. A supportive person to support too. A person ready to hear and offer different points of view. A person willing to see life from the unexpected. A person open to explore and work on his potencial and get the maximum of it. A person ready to accept my potencial and support me to get the maximum of it, with the same support I will offer him. A person to create a loving and emotionally healthy family with. A person to build a unit of energy called family where to create all together movement in this world toward happiness and joy.

For many years I was dreaming about creating a family in which all the members will teach and learn from each other. Where all will be committed to each other’s development. A supportive family build up over the pillars of boundaries, respect, support and love in equal parts. A creative open minded family in which kids and grown ups will be fearless to try new things in life. With high self-esteem, autonomy and clear minds.

I have done crazy things in my life in order to find this kind of love, partner and family. I have been looking for it with almost desperation. I have been living fast and intense, finding myself in many different countries, situations and with many different people.

Nothing helped me to find my Life Partner and the life I wanted to live.

Until now, I was never been able to find the true passion and purpose in my life, a fulfilling direction.  I was not able to fully love and respect myself.

I have always been and I am a searcher. That’s one of the reasons I have arrived where I am now, because, despite everything I was, now I am discovering who I am.

For first time in my life, and for the rest of my life, I know, I have found what I was looking for: the person I want to share my life, to develop and growth, the person I want to create a family with.

Through my story I hope I can inspire others to know that you can also find the partner you are looking for. And maybe, give you some hints about how I fell into traps that were leading me to desperation and denigration, feeling attracted by men that will not bring me development and real love.